Film makers are smart enough NOT to make a Chuck Norris movie in 3D.
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When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"
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Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you.
Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
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Chuck Norris owns the gold color at the end of the rainbow.
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Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
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Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one.
When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face.
We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
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Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
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When Chuck Norris was 5 he threw a paper airplane.
It landed yesterday.
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