Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Chuck Norris can facebook through a calculator.
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
Chuck Norris only needs one bullet, because it should know to get back in the chamber.
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kicks your ass.
For Chuck Norris, there is no such thing as gambling. He already knows the outcome.
In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.