Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
Chuck Norris can only text if the phone's touch screen is bullet proof.
Chuck Norris found the Hidden Valley Ranch.
Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.
Chuck Norris doesn't even have to bid in an auction to win it.
Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
Chuck Norris is Darth Vaders father.