A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life. The doctor recommends Viagra. They come back and see him in a couple of weeks. The doctor says "how was the Viagra?" The wife says "great I love it." Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Did you ever notice: Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.
Yo mama so ugly the devil is afraid of her.
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’