Best jokes ever

One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
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has 67.67 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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has 67.67 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher. The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham. The preacher's wife is shocked. The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo. That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?" His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher. The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home. She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo. At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham." The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: food, life, wife
Yo' Mama is so fat, she puts in tampons with a bazooka.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: hipster, music
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, light bulb, management, technology
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: money, relationship
Find a sleeping person, fill their hand with shaving cream and then tickle their nose.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: April fools
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, teacher, work
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