Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Chuck Norris can send you a roundhouse kick by E-Mail.
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Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach?
No, you should do it on a computer.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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Two little boys go into the grocery store.
One is nine, one is four.
The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says "They’re for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!"
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Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
