Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram
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Hipsters hate rivers.
Too mainstream.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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Chuck Norris can open Microsoft Windows when he needs fresh air.
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Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway?
A: Because its underground.
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet?
It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
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Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..."
Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..."
Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!"
You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around for three weeks after you dump your load into it.
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