Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Ali Baba said "Open sesame" to open the secret entrance to the treasure, but little did he know that saying "Open Chuck Norris" opens all doors.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
A Grandmother was checking out her grand-daughters grasp of colours and tested her regularly. She would ask her and the grand-daughter would always get the colour right. One day as we were heading to the doctors she turned to her Grandma and said "Don’t you think it’s time you tried to figure some of these out for yourself?"
A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating." John:"Me either."
Chuck Norris can eat food while his mouth is closed.
Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants? So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"