PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?" Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: She will "let it go let it go".
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
Yo mama so fat she uses a highway for a slide.
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!