Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
Chuck Norris doesn't fall, he merely tests the durability of the floor with his face.
Hurricane Katrina wasn't the weather... it was the wind of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick from Texas to Louisiana.
If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Chuck Norris used to date Hurricane Katrina.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Chuck Norris favorite pick up line: ''now''
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."