Best jokes ever

What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.

The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"

What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!

A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?" The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"

Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.

Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity? A: Osama Bin Laiden.

Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.

Man walks into a bar and sits next to another customer. Bartender comes over and says to the new customer, "what can I get you?" Customer says "bourbon and coke." Bartender looks at first customer and says another "beer Jackass?" He says nods his head yes. 10 minutes later bartender comes back to check to see if customer wants another bourbon and coke and customer says "sure." Bartender looks at first customer and says "another beer Jackass?" And customer nods yes. Bourbon and coke customer says to beer customer, "Man you are the customer, don't le t that bartender talk to you like that." Beer customer says "it's ok he al, he al, He always calls me that!"