Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Phil: He has only one pupil.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A police officer stopped a driver for speeding.
"Can I see your driving license?"
"I don’t have it, I had it removed because of point system."
"Can I see your license for the vehicle?"
"But it is not my car, I stole it."
"Stole it?"
"Right, let me think, I think I saw the permition before in the glove box when I put my gun in there."
"There is a gun in the car?"
"Yes sir, I put it right there, when I shot and killed the woman driving this car and then put the body back to the trunk."
"There is a corpse in a car?"
"Right, sir."
After all these he calls the police chief.
And soon the car gets surrounded by police.
The captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
"Sir, can I see your qualification?"
"Of course, ultimately, there it is."
"In fact, it’s OK, and to whom does the car belong to?"
"It is mine, there is my license as well."
"uld you open the glove box, is there a gun inside?"
"Of course, take a look, there is nothing."
"Do you mind opening the trunk too? They told me that you put a body in there."
"No problem, take a look."
"Empty too! But I do not understand, the officer who stopped you told us that you said that you did not have a driving license, that you stole the car, that you had a gun in the glove box and that there was a dead body in the trunk."
"Oh right! I bet he told you that I was running and speeding!"
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie."
Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
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Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation.
Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
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Q: What's the difference between a toilet and a Kardashian?
A: Nothing! They both accept big brown stinky turds!
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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