Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
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When Clark Kent goes into a phonebooth, Superman comes out.
When Chuck Norris goes into a phone booth, it explodes and Chuck walks away.
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Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
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Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
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Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.
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