What do you get from a short-legged cow? Dragon milk.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when her dog farts, she takes the credit.
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up. "I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because of you that I have had to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair." "Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer. I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
How can you tell she's a macho women? She rolls her own tampons.
A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street. The driver rush to the scene. He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."