Chuck Norris can gargle with honey.
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Chuck Norris found the Hidden Valley Ranch.
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Chuck Norris actually died a while back.
Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
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One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds.
One of the boys said, "What is that?"
"They're smart pills," said the other boy.
"Eat them and they'll make you smarter."
So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap."
"See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
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Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
"Let bygones be bygones" is always subject to Chuck Norris' approval.
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Your mama so fat she climbed up hill and fell back down.
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.