Without you I can't breath.
I love you so much my nose.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds.
One of the boys said, "What is that?"
"They're smart pills," said the other boy.
"Eat them and they'll make you smarter."
So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap."
"See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
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Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Chuck Norris isn't just a name, it's a cause of death.
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The Roswell UFO crashed because Chuck thought it was a frisbee.
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Chuck Norris once threw a pebble.
We now call it...Hayley's Comet.
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Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
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When Clark Kent goes into a phonebooth, Superman comes out.
When Chuck Norris goes into a phone booth, it explodes and Chuck walks away.
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