The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't check the time - he decides it.
Ali Baba said "Open sesame" to open the secret entrance to the treasure, but little did he know that saying "Open Chuck Norris" opens all doors.
Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.
Chuck Norris fell off a building, he got sued for breaking the sidewalk with his fists.
Chuck Norris can light the contents of the Windows recycle bin on fire.
Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.
Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
When Chuck Norris visits Europe on vacation, France surrenders.
Chuck Norris protects his airbag in an accident.