The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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The reason Tom Cruise runs in all his movies is because he's running the hell away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.
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Once, Chuck Norris only filled his name in on the SAT.
He got a perfect score.
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Chuck Norris keyboard doesn't need a delete button.
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Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Okay, I've finished my morning prayers.
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Chuck Norris flosses with dynamite wick.
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Chuck Norris recently got himself an iPad.
It turned into iDust when he tried to use it.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the treadmill sweats.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid he taught his parents to stay away from strangers.
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