Best jokes ever

Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, weed
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?" "Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: customer service, fish, food
Yo momma is so fat that she uses the Great Wall of China wall as a belt.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbor". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: money
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer. “I’m going to a lecture.” the man said. “And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked. “My wife.” said the man.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: cop
Yo mama so dumb she used old spice body wash to cook.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: April fools, office
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