Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
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Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
They're going to call her Old Spice.
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Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
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Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico.
They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them.
As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river.
One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light."
The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
Your mama is so thin she stepped on a scale and a scale said no papers plz.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her flyswatter doubles as a spatula.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, Red Lobster kicked her out for bringing her own crabs.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she was born, her mama called her a treasure, so her daddy offered to bury her.
Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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