What do you call a computer that takes 15 minutes to start, freezes if you try to do more than one thing at a time, crashes regularly and causes you to swear under your breath throughout the day?
Cutting edge.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Vote:
A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma.
One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker.
‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker.
‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man.
Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them cause they will never see the light.
Vote:
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.