Q: Why do blondes need see through lunch boxes
A: So they can tell if they're coming home or going to work.
If only telemarketers would have the balls to call Chuck Norris...
Then none of us would have to put up with them again.
Vote:
Waiter, what is this stuff?
That's bean salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them cause they will never see the light.
Vote:
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
Vote:
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!