Why don't blondes like to breastfeed their babies? It hurts to boil their nipples!
Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.
A black hole is where Chuck Norris ripped the universe a new one.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
Electricity pays Chuck Norris to light up his house.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in it's direction...then it rolled up into a ball.
Yo mama so ugly when she tried to flirt her face went inside out.
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."
Q: How do you get 15,000 followers? A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.