Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ? A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
The party only starts when Chuck Norris walks in.
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
There was a boy and his mother was about to go to work. She said, "Do not open the door for nobody". The boy said, "Okay." So after the mother left a girl came to their house and she said to the boy, "Let me in." The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow”" So the girl went to the window and started knocking on it. Once again she said, "Let me in." The boy finally gave up and let her in. So once she got in she said, "Let’s go upstairs." The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow." The girl kept asking him so he finally gave up. When his mama came into his room she said, "Get off that girl." The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow!"
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
If you took all the worlds Super Heroes and combined them, Chuck would still kill them instantly.