Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
Your momma is so ugly when she look in the mirror it shattered.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat!
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
How do you fry a Mexican? You turn on the fence.
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!" The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5." She answers and says "20". Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2." The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
Why should you never fart in an apple store? They don't have Windows!
Chuck Norris can get a strike in bowling using a ping-pong ball.