Q: What did the constipated mathematician do?
A: He worked it out with a pencil!
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer.
I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
How can you tell she's a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
A: At least two!
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.
So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''