Where does a cow stop to drink?
The milky way.
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Vote:
A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma.
One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker.
‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker.
‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man.
Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Is it worth any bonus marks?"
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts.
First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that."
Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."
Q: What do you call a fried potato in your pants?
A: Dick-tator.
Vote:
Your momma is so ugly when she look in the mirror it shattered.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog.
The second is snake.
And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.