Why should you never fart in an apple store? They don't have Windows!
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, Red Lobster kicked her out for bringing her own crabs.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she was born, her mama called her a treasure, so her daddy offered to bury her.
How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her flyswatter doubles as a spatula.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
Your mama is so thin she stepped on a scale and a scale said no papers plz.
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.