Chuck norris can kick you in the back of your face.
Vote:
There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed.
They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride.
So shed went in the store.
Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long.
Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!"
Police officer was startled what he said.
Police said "where's your manners boy!".
Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!
Yo Momma is so big the sun rotates around her.
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low."
"Pick up bread. We be back."
Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
A doctor is speaking to a patient after an examination, ‘There are two reasons for your poor health, it’s entirely due to drinking and smoking.’
‘That’s a relief,’ replies the patient.
‘I thought you were going to say it was my fault.’
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder.
After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted.
The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’.
The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money.
‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk.
The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.