A couple walked into the supermarket.
They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted.
The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets.
He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them.
The husband looked confused again.
He asked the clerk, “What the hell do I do with these damn things?”
The clerk replied, “Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything.”
The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered.
"What?" asked the clerk.
"Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for years, and he ain't won a damn thing."
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep."
Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."
A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.
The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many large volumes on his shelves.
Finally, he asked the patient: "Have you had this trouble before?"
He answered: "Yes."
Doctor said: "You have again got it."
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
Yo mama is so ugly the mirror did not make an reflection.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
A doctor is speaking to a patient after an examination, ‘There are two reasons for your poor health, it’s entirely due to drinking and smoking.’
‘That’s a relief,’ replies the patient.
‘I thought you were going to say it was my fault.’
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder.
After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted.
The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’.
The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money.
‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk.
The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.