Best jokes ever

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
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has 54.67 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
A guy went to a supermarket and began to smoke. Miss salesman: "Sir don't smoke here." Guy: "I've just bought the cigarettes from here." Miss salesman: "We sell condoms too; so that is not why you fuck me here."
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has 54.66 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: customer service, mean, sex
Yo mama so ugly, even goldfish don't smile back.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: fish, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when she went outside it was a black out.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: ugly, vulgar, Yo mama
Q: What did the constipated mathematician do? A: He worked it out with a pencil!
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: math, work
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life, mother in law
A man knocked on a door an a women answered and he asked if he could use her toilet. She said you have 3 chances, if you do 3 things wrong I`ll call the police. So he went to piss but on the flush chain there was a bra so he ripped it off. Then when he was walking down the stairs he saw her cat called Boobs on the step & he hates cats so he squezed it & then threw it up the stairs. He then went in the kitchen where the women was & the women said why did you throw my cat up the stairs? He said I don`t know. While she went to get it, on the table was a glass of milk which he then drank. When the women came back she said you had your 3 chances now I'm calling the Police. When the police came they asked her what the man had done. She said this man has ripped her bra off, squezed her Boobs and drank her milk.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: women
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time
What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: friendship, life
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