‘During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!"
I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
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On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night.
He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door.
An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way.
Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either.
The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return.
Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"What's wrong?" asked Johnny.
"Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
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Chuck Norris was born in a house he build himself.
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In a fight between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris would win.
No questions.
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Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters:
I have a good and a bad news for you.
The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots.
All the sisters start whistling happily.
But one of them asks:
What are the bad news?
Carrots came grated.
Vote:
There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.