Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset.
Chuch Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
Nails wish they were as tough as Chuck Norris.
Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government? A: A civil serpent.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”
What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
There's a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris... organ donors.
Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.