Best jokes ever

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, party, technology
Chuck Norris hit a home run in a football game.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, football, sport
There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face. The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight, I thought you would be tougher Batman!"
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, celebrity, drunk
Why do blondes like blonde jokes? 'Cause they make them feel famous!
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, sex
The black guy I was walking behind stopped, turned and asked "Are you following me?" "No", I said "You've got evolution all mixed up."
Vote: has 56.97 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people