Some strangers sit at the bar.
One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy asks, "What's that?"
The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK."
A lady asks, "What's that?"
He says, "Double Income, No Kids."
The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry asks, "A WIFE?"
Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex.
I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband:
"So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
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No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viagra coverage.
What will they use to set those guidelines?
A growth chart.
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses.
At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
You are so black when I clicked on your profile pic I thought my phone died.
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