An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week.
Finally someone notices and calls the police.
They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.
The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion.
The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair.
Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
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Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Stupid?
He wanted to be a farmer.
So he studied pharmacy.
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke.
She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her.
Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
Chuck Norris can drive a car without gas... or an engine.
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Nails wish they were as tough as Chuck Norris.
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