What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked. "One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up." The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?" "You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
Q: What is height of Honesty? A: A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A stripey sweater.
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me." Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."
Chuck Norris once got careless and accidentally locked his drawer key inside his drawer, with a lock that needs the key to lock.
What is height of Fashion? Dhoti with a zip.