Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
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Chuck Norris once raced light.
He is still waiting for it to catch up.
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Chuck Norris does not understand any phrase that begins with "if at first you don't succeed."
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Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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When you have a question you check with Google.
When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!
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Three seconds after Chuck Norris was shot, the bullet came out screaming.
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Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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There was no world recession, just Chuck Norris desiring a discount.
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Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee.
This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
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Chuck Norris dosn't have a star on Hollywood Blvd he has a constellation.
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