A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
One man's marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage. "Well," his friend says, "you can always have an affair." "I can't do that! I will always be faithful to her." the troubled man replies. "If you convince her to let you do it, and then it won't be cheating." The man agrees to give it a try. The next time his wife seems to be in a very good mood he shares the idea with her that a new partner would add excitement. "Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage. Believe me, I already tried it."
For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night. She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie. He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out." "Well, what do you think today?" He says, "I think I did a good job."
Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first? A: Who cares?
Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll.
Yo mamas teeth are so yellow she helped Dorothy get to the emerald city.
Out of 500 fights Chuck Norris has won 600.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Chuck Norris couldn't act in Titanic because he would have saved everyone.