Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
Chuck Norris eats blackholes as light snacks.
Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Yo momma's so fat... They mistake her for a country.
Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a toilet? A: The toilet smells good when it gets cleaned.
Q: Why are crippled people always picked on? A: Because they can't stand up for themselves.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.