A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Yo mama's so fat that when she goes walking on the beach in heals she strikes oil.
Chuck Norris can make a Java Program in visual studio 2010.
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
What do you call a black woman who got an abortion? A member of crimestoppers of america.
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
Chuck Norris gave Iceman frostbite.
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned over and pushed me.
Q: What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall? A: Captain's log.
A policeman sees a car weaving all over the road and hits his flashing lights. He walks up to the driver's window and sees a good looking woman behind the wheel. There is a strong smell liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the balloon and he walks it back to his patrol unit. After a couple of minutes, he returns to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies, "You mean it shows that, too?"