Chuck Norris can turn carbon paper into diamonds.
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Chuck Norris digs up gold - from silver linings.
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Chuck Norris can skip a sound track on the radio if he doesn't like it.
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Once visiting Arizona, Chuck Norris spat on the ground.
The place is now known as the meteor crater.
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Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
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Some people wear Superman pajamas.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
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Chuck Norris once ate a bottle of sleeping pills.
They made him blink.
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Chuck Norris never uses a navigation system.
The direction he is heading is ALWAYS the right direction.
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As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.
One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job.
I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case.
"If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"