Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.
One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me.
I know we’ve been friends a long time, but I just can’t think of your name.
I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it.
Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
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There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top.
The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies.
They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"!
They shout we don't like redheads!
So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies.
Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket.
But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"!
They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"
One night a man walks into a bar with a pig.
The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?"
So the man says, "Let me tell you about this pig.
He is one special pig.
One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety.
Saved my life."
The bartender says.
"Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?"
The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig.
He is one special pig.
One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized.
This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life."
The bartender says, "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?"
The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig.
He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life."
And finally the bartender says,"Wow, that is one special pig.
He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning.
But why does he have a wooden leg?"
The man says, "When you have a pig this special you can't eat all of it at once."
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?
Just a phew.
Chuck Norris got into Cambridge... without any qualifications.
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Where does the devil go when he dies?
He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
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Gravity is Space's way of trying to keep Chuck Norris away from it.
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How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid.
Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
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