A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A polo bear.
In America, Chuck Norris finds you But in Soviet Russia, you find Chuck Norris.
No time for gym? Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope
Q: What is a sheep's favorite sport? A: Baaasket baaall!
How does herpes leave the hospital? On crotches.
UV rays are caused by Chuck Norris' smiles.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!