Question: Why do women have smaller feet than men? Answer: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat... Husband: How does it help Wife: I use your toothbrush!
A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Yo Momma's a brick, she is flat on both sides and gets laid by Mexicans.
I got married to Miss Right. I just didn’t realise her first name was ‘Always’.
The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It's called "Jackasspirin."