The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"
"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."
No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?"
"Nowhere", the first drunk replied.
"And where do you live?", he asks the other.
"We're neighbours."
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
They found a lamp and rubbed it.
A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home.
Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family.
Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft.
In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.