How can you make a gay man scream twice?
Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
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Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
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Chuck Norris once gave a cop a ticket for speeding.
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Researchers once tried to measure Chuck Norris' IQ, but found that numbers don't count that high.
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What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft.
In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last wage packet.
‘This is two hundred pounds short,’ he says. ‘I know,’ says the employer.
‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred pounds, and you didn’t say anything.’
‘Well,’ says the worker.
‘I don’t mind an occasional mistake.
But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’
I’ve been very depressed lately.
My wife’s threatened to leave me.
But even that hasn’t cheered me up.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go on holiday to a tropical island.
The brunette takes a beach umbrella, the redhead takes a crate of suntan oil, and the blonde takes a car door.
‘What are you doing with a car door?’ asks the redhead.
The blonde replies, ‘If it gets too hot, we can roll the window down.’