Best jokes ever

Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."

Chuck Norris can eat the inside of an orange without peeling it.

Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?

Chuck Norris grabs Donald Trump by the pussy.

Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’

Why are faggots so generous? Because they don't know how to be tight arsed!

Q: How do you get 15,000 followers? A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.

How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.

Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.

Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.