Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato? A: "You better catch up!"
Q: What did the apple say to the worm? A: You're boring me.
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer. At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?" Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.
Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV? A: His son running away with your VCR.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, "Nein!, Nein" So two guys walk away.
Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.