Where does an Irish family go on holiday?
A different bar.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
Yo momma's so stupid when her son said break a leg, she really did.
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand.
He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks plastic."
Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber."
Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?"
The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
The attorney responded, "Let me take a look."
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it.
"Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is.
Where did you get it?"
The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"
What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the s**t out of you.
A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?"
"Nowhere", the first drunk replied.
"And where do you live?", he asks the other.
"We're neighbours."
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech?
A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
They found a lamp and rubbed it.
A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home.
Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family.
Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."