Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Chuck Norris can see in the dark.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
There's a faggot between Y and I on your keyboard... look!
Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
Yo momma so fat when she Bungie jumps she goes straight to hell.
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
Chuck Norris doesn't check the time - he decides it.