Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter!
Chuck Norris once broke the law... with his fists.
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There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse.
No mortal man has ever earned it.
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Why are niggers like sperm?
Only 1 in a Million actually works .
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
I would tell you a joke about my penis but it's too long.
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Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
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