Man, to friend, ‘My wife makes terrible demands for money.
Two weeks ago she asked for £50.
Last week she wanted £100, and yesterday it was £150.’
Friend, ‘What does she do with it all?’ Man, ‘I don’t know.
I never give her any.’
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
‘One thing about Jim,’ his buddy said to the bartender.
‘He knows when to stop.’
Where does an Irish family go on holiday?
A different bar.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
Yo momma's so stupid when her son said break a leg, she really did.
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
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Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
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Chuck Norris once gave a cop a ticket for speeding.
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Researchers once tried to measure Chuck Norris' IQ, but found that numbers don't count that high.
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Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...