When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone? Answer: No! Response: Wanna go to a party?
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? A: Charged With Battery.
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.