Yo momma so fat when she Bungie jumps she goes straight to hell.
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help. Helium doesn't react.
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
Chuck Norris doesn't check the time - he decides it.
When Google has a question Chuck Norris always knows it.
Whats the only thing darker than a black man? His Future.