Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once won a drag race with a unicycle.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Give Chuck Norris a piece of coal and he'll give you back a diamond.
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When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat.
The weights do.
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Chuck Norris once got careless and accidentally locked his drawer key inside his drawer, with a lock that needs the key to lock.
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Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
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If it were true that you are what you eat.
Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
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