What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."
Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food? A: Gaelic breath.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
You're so ugly, Yo' Mama had to be drunk to breastfeed you.
Which is the most confusing day in America? Father's day! 80% don't know whom to wish. Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king
Q: What do you call vietnamese guy that wants to be black? A: Vinegar!