If Chuck Norris were a substance, he would abuse you.
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Chuck Norris wears sunglasses not to protect his eyes from the sun, but to protect the sun from Chuck Norris.
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An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”
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Chuck Norris can skydive indoors.
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris?
Don't know...its never been done.
Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread.
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Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris made a mistake once and it corrected itself.
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Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth?
A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
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