Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs? A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
If Chuck Norris jumped off the Empire State Building, your mom would tell you to do it too.
Chuck Norris once got his arm stuck in a canyon. After 5 days of pain and agony, Chuck Norris had to amputate the canyon. It was a tough choice...
Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch... He saw it 3 times a day.
Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat. The weights do.