Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: Because you can see right through them!
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
It seemed that the son of a Spanish lawyer graduated from college and was considering the future. He went to his father, who had a very large office, and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner where he could observe his father's activities. He could be introduced to his father's clients as a clerk. This way, he could decide on whether or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this to be a splendid idea, and this arrangement was set up immediately. On his son's first day at work, the first client in the morning was a rough-hewn man with calloused hands, in workman's attire, who began the conversation as follows: "Mr. Lawyer, I work for some people named Gonzales who have a ranch on the east side of town. For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised, the cows, tended them, fed them, and it has always been my understanding and belief that I was the owner of the cows. Mr. Gonzales died and his son has inherited the farm, and he believes that since the cows were raised on his ranch and fed on his hay, the cows are his. In short, we have a dispute as to the ownership of the cows." The lawyer said, "I have heard enough. I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After the tenant farmer left, the next client came in. A young, well-dressed man, clearly a member of the landed class. "My name is Gonzales. I own a farm on the east side of the town," he said. "For many years, a tenant farmer has worked for my family tending the crops and animals, including some cows. The cows have been raised on my land and fed on my hay, and I believe that they belong to me, but the tenant farmer believes that since he raised them and cared for them, they are his. In short, we have a dispute over ownership of the cows." "I heard enough. I'll take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After the client left, the son came over to his father with a look of concern. "My father, I know nothing of the law, but it seems to me that we have a serious problem regarding these cows." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" said the lawyer. "The cows will be ours!"
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk. One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. "Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!" After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and he really needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled, "Teacher, Teacher, I have to go pee pee!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, you should be old enough to know that this is not the proper word to use?" "The correct word would be urinate." "Now Johnny, would you please use the word urinate in a sentence?" Little Johnny thought for a moment then said:, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten!"
Q: What do you throw to a drowning black man? A: The rest of his family.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honour.
Yo momma’s so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.