If Chuck Norris drinks too much, he doesn't throw up, he throws down!
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Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent.
They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
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Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack.
His heart is too smart to not attack him.
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Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated?
A: "Oh balls."
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Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off.
I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager.
A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand.
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
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Yo mama so fat when she climbed into the attic she fell into the basement.
What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.
What does an octopus take on a camping trip?
Tentacles.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"