What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Jason Bourne fought Chuck Norris but he can't remember because now he has amnesia.
Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.
People believe in God. God believe in Chuck Norris.
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
Chuck Norris texts with punctuation.
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated?
A: "Oh balls."