Chuck Norris doesn't make typos.
Words simply stutter in his presence.
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Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
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Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook?
She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).
Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off.
I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager.
A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand.
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
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Yo mama so fat when she climbed into the attic she fell into the basement.
Chuck Norris watched the entire Lord of the Rings without blinking.
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Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice
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