Chuck Norris can comment on Facebook posts, before you publish them.
A guy's walking along the beach and he finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and two blonde genies come out. They tell him they'll grant him any three wishes he wants. So he makes his wishes... he wakes up in bed with 50 of the most beautiful women he's ever seen and he'd just made love to all of them. Then he walks outta the bed and opens a treasure chest filled with more money than you could ever imagine... then two KKK members come riding in on horses, throw a noose over a tree and hang him... The KKK members take off their masks and its the two blonde genies one of them says to the other: "I can understand why he wanted to sleep with all the women, I know why he wanted a chest full of money... but I can't figure out why the hell he would wanna be hung like a nigger..."
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved his dick right up her ass. Then she blew one gnarly fart, Blew his ball two feet apart. Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of shredded meat.
Yo mamma so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.
"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.