Chuck Norris doesn't use his hand to catch bullets, he uses his mind.
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Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer?
A: They never get old.
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Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition.
The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ.
Aaron, you see what I am seeing?
Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine.
That long?
No, that dead.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
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Q: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
A: A teacher.
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A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm.
He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender.
The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom.
Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks.
After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation.
"What's your name?"
he says to one of the ducks.
"Huey," answers the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great.
Lovely day.
Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day."
"Oh, that's nice," says the bartender.
Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?".
"Dewey," comes the answer.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day.
If I had the chance, I would do it all again."
So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie."
"No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris?
The only good news is you know when you will die.
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There are no bombs, Chuck Norris just jumps out of a helicopter and punches the ground.
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God said let there be light.
Chuck Norris said say please.
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Chuck Norris can take the bridge to nowhere and actually reach his destination.
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