What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.
What does an octopus take on a camping trip?
Tentacles.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet.
The party only starts when Chuck Norris walks in.
Vote:
Chuck Norris doesn't make typos.
Words simply stutter in his presence.
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Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
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Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook?
She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).