Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.
You're so ugly, Yo' Mama had to be drunk to breastfeed you.
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was.
Business or pleasure, he asks?
Sadness and pleasure!
She says to the officer!
Why?
Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral!
My condolences, says the officer!
It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through!
Not really, this is my pleasure!
I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king
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The chicken and the egg are laying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".
If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
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Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
We live in an expanding universe.
All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
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