A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
If Chuck Norris jumped off the Empire State Building, your mom would tell you to do it too.
Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.
Chuck Norris once got his arm stuck in a canyon. After 5 days of pain and agony, Chuck Norris had to amputate the canyon. It was a tough choice...
Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch... He saw it 3 times a day.
Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat. The weights do.