Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack.
His heart is too smart to not attack him.
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When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people.
He walks through them
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The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake
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Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis.
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Chuck Norris only needs one bullet, because it should know to get back in the chamber.
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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet."
The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun."
The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet.
The man used the gun to steal his wallet back.
The blonde said, "You're an idiot...there's no bullets in the gun."
The man replied, "You're the idiot...here's no money in the wallet."
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.
He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa.
So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind.
After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head.
His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''
To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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