Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
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Yo mama so fat she made her own landslide.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey.
The country there now is only an impostor.
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When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat.
The weights do.
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When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
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If Chuck Norris replaced Roy Scheider, the movie would have been known as Broken Jaws, and would have only lasted 12 minutes.
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Chuck Norris made Stevie Wonder flinch.
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I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth.
And now, you're in your Vegas years.
You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet.
But you're still the King.
If Chuck Norris jumped off the Empire State Building, your mom would tell you to do it too.
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