Chuck Norris is why we don't need no stinking badgers.
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
A man goes skydiving.
After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens.
He tries everything but can't get it open.
Just then another man flies by him, going UP.
The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?
The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?
Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Man: "What you have prepared to eat today?"
Wife: "Nothing."
Man: "But you did nothing yesterday."
Wife : "I made it for two days."
Yo' Mama is like a campfire: everyone gets to stick their wiener in.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can see at least 3 extra colors.