Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Yo momma’s so fat, she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master.
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
Chuck Norris can buy priceless moments. At a discount price.
Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he saw aliens worshiping Chuck Norris's footprints.
A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
Q:What does one gay say to another homo sitting at the bar? A:"Do you mind if I push in your stool?"