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Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
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What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!
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Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? Because she was trying to make up her mind.
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What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
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Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
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Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...
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Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV. "Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?" "I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied. "You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now!" "OK, OK. So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"
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When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
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Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
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A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'. 'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dog looks at her and does nothing, and the man then shouts to the dog, 'OK. Just ONE more time, let me show you how it's done".
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