In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Vote:
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
Vote:
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
Class: The second one!
A college freshman decided to try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed.
Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
"Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
If Chuck Norris were to ever bungee jump, the earth would flinch.
Vote:
Dear Chuck Norris,
Could you please close the door of your refrigerator.
Thank you,
Europe
Vote:
Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.
Vote:
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
Vote: