We have a week dedicated to sharks... sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Your momma so fat... All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Your Momma"
Two guys are out hunting deer... The first guy says, "Did you see that?...pointing to the sky." "No," the second guy says. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the first guy says. "Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, "Did you see that?" "See what?" the second guy asks. "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!" "Yah, Ok", says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice. A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" This time pointing behind them. By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, "Yah, I SAW IT!" And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
Chuck Norris isn't just a name, it's a cause of death.
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another. The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?" The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."
Chuck Norris made a mistake once and it corrected itself.
No one's afraid to criticize the US President, but no one even dares to say one bad thing about Chuck Norris...