One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.
He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa.
So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind.
After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head.
His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''
To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it.
Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
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Why should you never fart in an apple store?
They don't have Windows!
What do you get when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Dough Nuts!
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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Question: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Answer: Pregnant.
What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A blowjob with handlebars.
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
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