Best jokes ever

Yo mama so loose...when she walks down the street her pussy claps!

Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.

Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert. A genie appears and gives each of them one wish. The redhead says " I wish I could fly" and flys away. The brunette says "I wish I was home" and teleports home. The blonde steps up, sighs, and says " I wish my friends were back.

Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.

Q: Why do they say elephants never forget? A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.

Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory? Student: I don’t know. Why? Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!

If Chuck Norris was here in the Philippines, there would be no hostage crisis. He eats hostage-takers for breakfast!

Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!

In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class. The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat. But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”. The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened. So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat. And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”. The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander. “Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”. So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear. Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat. “What the hell did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene. “I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”