Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please. "The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you." "Why not?" askes the brain. "Youre already out of your head."
The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea. Until it met Chuck Norris.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
A boy with a physical disability has just returned from a summer camp. His mum with an astonished face notices a diploma dancing for 1st place at the bottom of the boy's luggage. Mum: "Jimmy, did you dance with a girl?" Boy: "Nouuu." Mum: "Did you dance with a boy then?" Boy: "No, mum." Mum: "So how did you get it?" Boy: "I went to take some tea."
Chuck Norris can switch his motorcycle to four-wheel drive.
2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world. The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.