Chuck Norris can divide prime numbers into whole numbers.
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and asks her where she's going. "To Las Vegas. I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free." The man started packing his bags. "Where are you going?" she asked. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you. I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year."
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day? simple it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
Wanna party with me like you just don't care? Put your hand up 45° in the air!
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate." Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
A man and his wife shower together. The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me." Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me." The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."
There is 5 niggers in a Cadilac. They drive off the Grand Cannon. What is sad about this story? A Cadilac seats 6 niggers.