Yo' Mama is so nasty, the animals at the petting zoo make her wear gloves.
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.
Vote:
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.
What's a tiger?
A stri-ped.
How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
Chuck Norris' jokes don't have punchlines.
They have footprints.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can walk up a down elavator.
Vote:
What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs.
Vote:
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!"
Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people."
First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
Vote: