The best animal jokes

There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
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has 27.88 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, money
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
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has 27.12 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, atheist
What do you call a bear with no teeth, a gummy bear!
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
On the street strolls a chick dressed with fur from head to toes. Near hear another chick stops and says to hear: Do you imagine how many animals they had to kill for this coat? But do you know with how many animals I had to sleep with for it?
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
What looks like half a cat? The other half.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet.
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has 26.93 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
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has 26.76 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, ginger
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