The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests.
A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer.
"Get to work," the store-keeper urged.
"I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared.
When this had been provided:
"Now give me a quart of whiskey."
Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly:
"Now show me the cellar."
An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store.
His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted:
"Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess.
He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile.
‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.