What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: About eight beers.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
I'm not paying," said the duck.
"I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk.
"Getting here cost me my last scent."
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: An elephant in a plastic bag.