On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
A cow and a horse were galloping around a curve opposite to.
They landed in each other.
Who was wrong?
The cow, it didn't blow its horn.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy