What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.