A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess.
He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile.
‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?