A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla? An animal that puts you out at night.
What looks like half a cat? The other half.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
Why did the frog walk across the road? He didn't... he jumped.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers? From professional courtesy.