When does a female deer need money?
When she doesnt have a buck.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
Little Billy looks at the chimpanzees from the zoo.
Mama, little Billy shouts, this monkey looks like our neighbour, Mr. Danny.
Billy, it’s not polite to talk like that!
Why? The chimpanzee doesn’t understand...
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
A Bosnian catches a goldfish.
The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish."
The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Q: What side of the cow gives the most milk?
A: The utter side.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!