The best animal jokes

The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. "Get to work," the store-keeper urged. "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared. When this had been provided: "Now give me a quart of whiskey." Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly: "Now show me the cellar." An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted: "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, money
Why did the gag-writer turn green? Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
How to catch a polar bear: Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise? A zebra with a drum kit.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
What looks like half a cat? The other half.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
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