Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA? It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree. Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them: Who pulled out this tree from his root? Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? A: "Cheap, cheap!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.