Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA? It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mex.
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? A: "Cheap, cheap!"
Me: Hey look its Nemo! Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish. Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.