A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door? A nigger with a spear through his head.
I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.